It was Sunday afternoon. After an hour or so of using the internet, I crossed the street to use the phone. I had left my group, but I knew they were all right across the street at the coffee shop.... No worries. To my surprise, an hour later I went over, all ready to meet my team for dinner or just hang out at the coffee shop.

            I got there to find no one. So I checked the only 4 places we ever go to in that square....and still no one. Uh oh! I paced back and forth, watching the sun begin to go down, trying to figure out what I was going to do. That night my team made plans for dinner, figured they would have met me at 6 like they said, but they never came either. After pacing for a good 20 minutes I knew I had to begin the half hour Rickshaw ride home to beat the dark. I sat alone on the rickshaw, music blasting and eyes peeled hoping to pass someone I knew going the other way, but nope. Praise the Lord I got home safely and the Rickshaw driver did not come after me after I paid.

             When I got home I was on the brink of tears, but then Mark and I walked to the store to get ice cream and that temporarily made me feel better. A trial so little, just trying to test me. I wasn't angry, but I was definitely hurt. Even after receiving apologies from those who had left me my feelings were hurt and I felt as though trust had been broken. Why would they leave me?! Clearly a miscommuication...it happens.

            After pouting for awhile, I sat down not really desiring to talk to Jesus about it, but just to write about my day. And what a revelation I had. This is what I wrote...This morning half the squad went to a church service with the Burmese Refugees. While I sat there, I looked into the eyes of the men, women and children knowing each one of them had a story to tell, but hid the pain of their lives well with the joy of the Lord accompanied with big smiles and laughter. They are truly beautiful people.

 
"...And when you find love is all that matters after all,

it sure makes everything else seem SO small..."

-carrie underwood

            So as I sat pouting, I know the Lord did not forget me and will never forget me. And even though I felt hurt, yet at the same time completely ridiculous for even caring I know He does. He cares for the "stupid little problems" that drive us crazy. And that is just one of the neverending reasons I am so in love with my God...head over heals.
 
            I finished my time with a prayer, God. I say I am okay. I choose not to be bitter, not to lose trust and re-build walls that have already been knocked down. You got me Lord, I look to you always praising you so so much for caring about the little things in my life, for never leaving me, always protecting and providing for me in abundance. Jesus I love you. I choose Your Joy, your love and grace. I choose you God! And sing nothing but your praises all the days of my life!

be joyful always

pray continuously

give thanks in ALL situations

for this is God's will for YOU in Christ Jesus.

      We live for something so much greater than the problems and worries this world has to give us.
 
There are NO random moments. Our God is not a random God. And therefore, we must 'embrace the pain' because we can always always learn and grow from it!
 
I will not walk in defeat. Jesus came. He already conquered this world. It's done it's finished. We are MORE THAN CONQUERERS!

India has challenged me, reminded me of my identity and has drawn me even closer to the Lord. It is hard to put into words the transformation I have seen in myself in these past few weeks.

I did not know who I was, thought I had nothing to offer as I was consumed by lies. I felt distant and angry with the Lord, just covered with confusion.

One night during worship, I could not focus to save my life, so I just left. Trying to hold back the tears of frustration I started writing to Jesus. This was my breaking point. Looking back on it all now makes sense realizing that Satan was trying to steal my identity from me and he was winning...

I wrote to the Lord telling Him my deepest feelings of worthlessness, nothing to give, nothing even worthy of giving, questioning why I was even here in the first place. As I sat with Him, He tried to comfort me, yet I still chose to sit under the dark cloud. I questioned what was happening to my identity, I thought I had this figured out already! It goes on and on.

(this part taken from Andi's blog...she said it perfectly! thanks andi!)

Little did I know, that there were about six others who were struggling with the exact same thing. We were on the roof yet another night,one worshiping, and one of the guys mentioned that his identity was being attacked. At that moment, something was released. His freedom to voice that brought it out into the light, and it gave freedom to me and others. Freedom to admit it and know that we are not alone in it.

We talked through the fact that the enemy has a really strong foothold in this city, and that this is a place full of confusion. Which god is real, this one, that one, the cow across the street, one of the other 306 million idols/animals to choose from? This cloud and heaviness of confusion was definitely having its way in us.

We talked about was that we had just spent three months apart from the whole squad. We had changed, grown, and become new people in that three months, and none of us really knew how to be that new person with all the other new people around us. We were trying to figure out how we worked together and fit in as a family again.

We talked about how our spiritual lives are supposed to go through testing. James wrote in his first chapter that we should "count it joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

And the final thing we discussed was that there were times of intense testing that even Jesus went through. He wandered in the desert for 40 days being tested. The devil straight up asked him in Luke 4, "IF you are the Son of God..." Jesus himself had to battle the enemy challenging his identity. If he had to battle it, then no doubt that is an area that the enemy will try to defeat us in as well.

So then we gathered together as a family, united as the new people that we are, to be prayed over, encouraged, and affirmed in who we are and the good work that the Lord is doing in us and through us.

After being re-affirmed and encouraged by the squad I still needed to sit with the Lord, my ultimate validation. I had dreaded it and played over and over in my mind the things I knew He would tell me. I should have learned by now that I can never already know what He will tell me. A few days later I finally humbled myself to ask the Lord who I am. He gave me an entire page of words, not just shallow words that could apply to anyone, but things that truly describe me and me alone. Now I feel empowered, confident and strong in the Lord! I got my identity back and this time I know, without a doubt, who I am! And I stand firm on that! Since then, daily I have read over that page reminding myself who I am so the enemy cannot attack my identity anymore. He's got nothing on me!

Through the challenging times, comes change (Refiner's fire) and ultimately draws us closer to the Lord than ever before. Back to that verse...James 1... "Consider it pure joy my friends when you face trials of many kind because You know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance."

I would not change the struggles for anything because through it I have persevered through the Lord, now knowing who I am, and walking confidently in that. 

A few days ago we sat with this man who is suffering from leporsy. I did not stay long with him that day, but today when we went back my heart hurt for him like never before.

We sat there with him and his wife in their dark cemented one room home. His wife sat faithfully by his side, in shock due to the recent death of thier only son in an accident and now she is losing her husband. Hopeless. Nana (that means grandpa in Hindi) was hunched over there on the floor...wearing just a cloth around his waist that hid his weak and skiny legs. The rest of his body was fragile and bony, his arm was swallon and bubbled up with an infected sore, missing fingers on one hand, his hair, long white and stragly with a beard to match. It broke my heart to look at his wrinkly face into his dark brown eyes.

As I looked deep into his teary eyes I saw suffering, pain and emptiness. It was like he has nothing to live for, a life of hopelessness and time of waiting to die. I never felt so helpless in my life. We could not do anything to ease the pain, we could not even tell them about Jesus because we speak different languages. I looked deeper and deeper into those eyes, still searching for something more but all I saw was an empty, hopeless, hurting spirit that longs for something more! I wanted to cry as we prayed and prayed, but no emotions came until now as I sit and write this. We prayed Jesus heal him, help him, take away the pain, let us share your love with him. I don't even know....anything!

Although I saw hopelessness and emptiness in his eyes, I felt as though I was looking into the eyes of Jesus. His eyes were filled with love despite the pain and suffering reminding me of the greatest sacrifice on Earth...God sending His only son to save us all from our sins... A gloriously painful image of Nana that shows me Jesus. Man! I wish I had a picture of Him so you could see how beautiful this man is, made in the image of God! 

I don't know what else to say, it hurts me to see people living a life of hopelessness. Jesus loves them both so much, the great healer, comforter and Almighty. My God is bigger than Leporsy and the pain that comes with it! How to pray for something like this I have no idea, I do not understand his ways, or how he wants to use us there, but I pray they can see Jesus in our smiles, hear Him in our voice and laughter, and experience His love just by us sitting by his side rubbing his back and holding his hand. I pray the Holy Spirit can supernaturally come and minister to his empty broken spirit! That our words of Jesus will be heard and understood to them in their langauge!

Why is there so much suffering and hurt in the world? Do they know who my God is, do they know Jesus!? Suffering when you know Jesus changes everything. Yes, it still hurts your flesh and is painful, but to know you are suffering for the sake of Jesus and living for an eternal purpose changes everything. He will never leave you, nor forsake you! Put your hope, trust and faith in the Lord. Plant your roots deep into the soil of the eternal hope we have in Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior! He never intended it to be this way. Our God is good. He always loves, he hurts when we hurt and works in so many ways we cannot see!

Lord! How do you want to use us!? We are pleading on behalf of Nana and his wife! I trust Lord you are working in miraculous ways specifically the one of salvation! :) Use us however you wish so that one day Nana may walk, run, laugh and smile with us for eternity on the golden streets of Heaven. 

KNOW on those days when you feel too tired to pray or that it does not really matter if you do or not....REMEMBER THE NIGHT PRAYERS HELPED TO SAVE OUR LIVES! And for past, present, and future 'Prayer Partners' of Racers...May this be a reminder of how essential your prayers are to our ministry and safety and again THANK YOU! Your role is just as important as what we are doing!

I want to share with you, I'm sure, only one of the many testimonies of this.....

As I sat with the Lord to see what was going on in the 'unseen' during the robbery, He told me there were angels everywhere protecting us. And furthermore, He told me that my guardian angel was there by my side, covering my ears to block out the sounds. It all makes sense! This is why I do not remember hearing anything the majority of the time. It was my guardian angel the Lord had placed there to protect me. That is just incredible to me...

To connect it all together, last week I received an e-mail from my mentor, Lisa. She told me she had heard about the latest happenings and what not. This is what she wrote to me. "That day I was taking the boys to the pool and I felt the Lord heavily lay you upon my heart. So I prayed that your guardian angel would be there protecting you...."

FAITHFUL, He is so faithful!

He is our everything and NEVER EVER EVER leaves our side!

In all moments, no matter good or bad...

GOD'S GLORY ALWAYS ALWAYS SHINES THROUGH!!! 

...and through this we are closer than ever in our relationships as a squad, futhermore, we have experienced the Lord's goodness in a new way thus bringing us to a new level of trust and intimacy with our Almighty Father in Heaven!

His perfect Love casts out ALL fear!

I was sitting on my top bunk as Sarah came running into the room. I did not understand what was going on. At the other end of the room a man stood in the door and nicely told us to get down on the floor. Of course, I would think, nice friendly man, he was there to help us and protect us, but then I saw the gun in his hand. I heard it click as he cocked it.

I was on the ground between the bunk beds, Caroline was laying on top of me so I felt safe. I honestly do not remember much, but what I do remember is this...

My heart was beating out of my chest. I thought I was going to die. I prayed instictively in the panic of it all. I remember hearing him ask for a few things. I was not going to move, let alone say a word. I heard the unzipping of backpacks as he went around the room and the bustling noise as he frantically moved things. My body continued to tremble when the man in the royal blue shirt demanded us to give him our cell phones. Shoot! We did not have any, the people with cell phones were all in the other room. They told him we did not have a cell phone and he was livid. This is the one of the two moments I even opened my eyes to see what was happening. With the gun pointed at the group, he said, "Well if you do not have cell phones then I must shoot someone. I must kill someone!" My eyes closed immediately as people begged "No! Please don't!" My heart was out of my chest, my lips moved faster than ever as I prayed, my body shaking like crazy! I tried to block out all the sound and just focus on Jesus.

He then asked Caroline to move and originally I thought he was going to take her outside to kill her and soon to find she jus had to move over in the center so he could see her. They called out to me a few times, so they say, for me to move over. I did not realize it until Teagan tapped me telling me I had to move over too. This was the second and last time I opened my eyes. When I moved next to Teags, my eyes met with one of the robbers. I felt exposed. I saw the gun. My face was white thinking this was going to be my last moment. A second had felt like an hour. I know now he saw pure fear, and quite possibly his evil spirit met face to face with the spirit of God. He held his gun tight and I heard him say to me, "Just don't move. Sleep! I will not kill you!" But, oh I still trembled and feared for the lives of both myself and those around me. That moment lasted forever!

Before coming to Africa we were told in a number of prophecies that God was going to use us to do such incredible things! We were told that people would be raised from the dead, great miracles would take place as well as many healings! I can now say by the power of God, these prophecies have been fulfilled! We were so excited to hear all this and had such high expectations for what would happen here. Month one came and gone. A girl on crutches got healed. Praise God! Month two came and passed. We achieved even deeper intimacy with the Lord. Still no one raised from the dead, no great miracles and one healing. We were thankful, and God was doing a great work through us but why weren't these prophecies happening!? Month three: Malawi. Absolutely amazing!

Everywhere the disciples went health and life broke out. As followers, we are all disciples and so everywhere we go health and life should break out. This is what happened in Malawi!

My eyes were opened to see the Lord daily raise people from the dead right before our eyes. It was totally different from what we expected it to look like, but it still took place. During church services we brought breath to dry bones and through that raised the dead as the Lord spoke through us.

"And I will put my spirit inside you, and you will come to life. Then I will put you in your own land. And you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken and done it," says the Lord.

Ezekiel 37:14

I think sometimes we get so caught up in seeing miracles we forget that Salvation is the Greatest Miracle of them all! Just as they were hungry for the word, the people were so hungry to hear the gospel and to know Jesus. For ten days straight, every place we went to, we saw the greatest miracle take place as we saw hundreds come to know the Lord.

One day, our team fasted as one accord, so instead of eating lunch with the locals we took the 45 minutes to go to the neighboring town to evangelize. We quick set up the speakers as the crowd grew bigger. A song or two was sung then Sarah gave her testimony. It was powerful! Afterwards we asked if anyone wanted to invite Jesus into their lives. One man, only one, raised His hand. He came to the front to receive prayer. As Sarah prayed with him, he told her his story. He was walking for miles and miles to get to a nearby city. He was going through a difficult time in his life and was at the end of the road with no hope left. He said when he was just passing through the town, but was drawn to every word she said. He told her if God can bring her through her difficult times, surely he can do the same in his life.

Meanwhile we divided into smaller groups, men, woman, teens, and children to pray with them quickly and to see if anyone else was interested in receiving the Lord. There were a hundred plus teens in my group. I asked them and every single one of them raised their hand. What a miracle...all on our lunch break. Praise God!

MIRACLES, THE GREATEST MIRACLES: CHECK

Lastly, at the end of each service we would invite people up to be prayed for. No matter what their concern, we wanted to pray with them. Many struggled in their marriages, family issues, money, and so on, but the majority of the people we prayed for physical healings. We prayed for hundreds to be healed and the Lord healed! A woman was healed from malaria, others from headaches, backaches, difficulty seeing, leg pain, etc.